was like being pushed
into the deep end
of the pool by my brother.

It felt the same:
the absence of oxygen
while surrounded by it.

My brother dove into the water
to save me, and I wish
I had waded into traffic for you.

Instead, it was as if you—
caged between the crosswalk lines
of Union and Cooper—

looked back at the oncoming car
and dissolved into a pile of salt
that sifted through my fingers.